Say it to my face why don’t you. I know why and I don’t really care, but it still hurts. 

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I hate myself. I hate my heart. I hate that I fall fast. Why couldn’t my heart just give me a break for once. I always fall fast and always hurt myself. Why couldn’t it just stop. Why? Stupid heart leave me alone for once…

I give up trying to be there for you two. You guys have been causing me so much pain and trouble. I should have just leave your lives when i had the chance too, but i tried to still be friends with you guys. Stupid mistake i made. My parents are ill and i should be paying more attention to them then trying to keep you two in my life. I dont regret the times that we had. Never did and will. But i need you guys out of my life. Sorry i have to do this to you guys, but i have to. 

Todays my birthday, i should be happy right? Well i’m not. I had to go to orientation today and stuff so i didn’t get to spend time with my family. I didn’t get to spend my last birthday with them because i was on a trip with my cousin. My cousins did celebrate it with me by taking me out to Japanesse resturant in Canada, worst experience there. Even if I was home all day, they are to busy to even care.  My mom only wished me a happy birthday, i don’t even think my dad or brothers remember. It hurts that they don’t care. I don’t know why but i just started tearing up when everyone on facebook said happy birthday, but not my own freaking brothers. They never care about me, never once. They never will. Now im just going to like spend my birthday locked up in my room crying myself to sleep or go to some stupid dance with my friends.

Why are you saying its my fault why you’re sad. You’re the one who broke my heart. I would have still been with you even if it hurt me because i love you to much. When you said its all my fault i couldn’t fight back the tears anymore. It hurts to much.

It wasn’t long, but every moment of i cherish. I cared about you alot. I actually loved everything about you. I love playing games with you on OMGPOP and watching movies with you over skype. I specially loved when we webcammed and slept on the phone together. I’m going to miss you so much. You didn’t want to hurt me, but you are. Its fine i’ll be fine i think….. hurt… but fine…

Blame me forever thing. I didn’t know better to pick up the phone. I always have to pick up the phone. No one else in this damn house does. I asked who is was before i gave the phone to him. Gosh why dose everyone blame me for everything.

OMG like why you getting up all in my bussience & adding my friends. Can you just backoff please. Like its hella annoying & one of my pet peeves. If you’re going to keep doing this, I don’t think we can be friends anymore. I don’t want you to talk to my friends and be buddy buddy with them and talk about me witht hem. Mkay

You sir, are fucked up. Why don’t you even listen to me? I told you to stay away from her. She’s my homie and i don’t want you to lay a finger on her. You mess up everyone you talk to. You’ve gotten alot of people back into smoking after they finally quit! Plus you fucked over so meany girls like me. I don’t want you mess with her she very dear to my heart. She goes throught enough shit as it is. Just listen to me for once and get the fuck away from my friends. OKAY!

I’m fine that my mom dosen’t let me go out with friends at night, sure i’m sad about it. The fact that she lies to me saying “I want you to go out, but…” That just makes me pissed & sad. I want to have a relationship with my mom where she doesn’t have to lie about things to me. I want to be able to tell her whatever & not judge. But no she has to lie about it. 

I miss you so much, you’ve been gone every since May. Its feels like forever since I talked to you, probably because it was. I miss you so much.  After the day you told me, I was scared to lose you. I felt like it was my fault because the same day you did whatever to get in trouble, you asked me to stop by La Quinta. I feel as if I was there I could have stopped you. Now you’re gone. Every night after the day you told me, I felt lost. I felt alone in the world. I missed you like crazy. I couldn’t get you off my mind. I was worried for you. Every day I would call your cell phone hoping that you would pick up, but I knew you wouldn’t. UGH~ I miss you alot. I miss webcamming all night long with you & talking on the phone.